Why I’m So Impressed With My Computer

I just found this Windows Live Writer thingy and it makes my writing look as beautiful as it sounds…presuming someone reads to you all of my blogs, like out loud…and in front of you. It makes my old stupid ugmo dashboard so stupid and ugmo looking.

Look, I can “insert” things!

Tabulature	Correlative
14	11.2

Finally, pictures and tables we can all enjoy! Remember “the past”? Look how crappy and unintelligent this stupid thing is! It’s like riding a dirt road when you can now have a car! Here is an excerpt from Wednesday, February 15, 2006 ! if you can remember that FAR!

Jeff Takes Over THE BLOG!!!
Current mood: exanimate

Alright. I can clearly see that Dave has been monopolizing this blog. Time for his reign of terror to end! Viva la France! Clearly, the drumming on all of the everything ever is the most best thing since AVL got drunk and hit on my younger sister. Seriously, stop doing that.

Anyways, here’s another World Famous chart to show how totally great Jeff is, compared to Luc and Dav. (10 is the highest)

                         Gettin’ it on / Swimsuit Comp./ Greatness / shadowpuppets

Dav                   6.5                   2                            3                  0
Luke                   -12                   5                          1                  3
Jeff                      10                    10                       9.9                 1000!!!!
As you can clearly see, the Italian judges are biased….9.9!! whatever.
Hopefully the other band members read this an decide against deleting it, which is inevitable.
Sincerely,
Jeff “The Shadowpuppet King” Pederson

Now you can all see how great the interface is. Too bad the interface is a real thing and my making light of the internet failed miserably.

THE END,

Lrd

New Blog

Hello micro friends,

This blog has been directed by Christoph B. Neltoid, as he has requested an update on my sims game which includesy friends.

Ok, so here’s how it all started: Kim and I are hoping to move in together this fall, when we both are rich from our summer employment. It was decided that we test our living compatibility, just to make sure, the best way we know how…The Sims.

I created me and Kim and built us a house. We needed friends so I created some friends to live nextdoor, fulfiling my lifelong fantasy of creating a town of my friends. Now, Chris walks by and I invite him in for an expresso. We are gettign along splendidly when he flirts with Kim and video-Jeff gets all jealous and upset. So now Chris is all minus my friend. So, we run into Twyla, a safe and good friend to us all. Sure enough she starts flirting with me as soon as she walks in the yard! Another ruined friendship.

Now we’ve started  having Luke over and it seems toi be going well enough that we can use his friendship to advance our careers. Finally. Turns out, Luke starts flirting with me, pissing off Kim and nearly starts a sims street brawl.  Just like real life. I’ve decided never to talk to Dave because this will undoubtedly end badly.

In closing, Kim and I are ok to live together but we cann’t have our friends over or they’ll start uncontrolably hitting on us. Especially me…just like real life. This game is exactly like real life, now way around it. I am a buff Pro athelete and I have a Heart-shaped bed that I sleep in. My friends are all jerks and I cann’t fix the gaddamn sink or cook.

This is for Chris…I’ll probably delete this tomorrow due to low ratings.

Check my blog more regularly and more multiple-ly!

Dear unloyal readers,

I see that my stats aren’t what they used to be. I have been pondering this thought for some time and I’ve come up with the conclusion that it may be because I haven’t posted for quite some time. Then I thought that makes no sense, Sinfeld re-runs still get good ratings so why is it that people aren’t reading, re-reading and re-re-reading my blogs? Are they not the best?!? Gosh, being a celeb is tough work sometimes; always having to write blogs and make toast.

I think I have a new get-rich-quick scheme: a little box for anglophones traveling into francophone country. I’d have things in it like:

1. A decoder ring for all the gibberish-to-real word translation. A pretentious scarf so that the sepratists won’t recognize you.
2. Red food colouring so you you can put it into your water so you can look authentic (you know, like you’re drinking red wine), even at breakfast!
3. Shoelace coverings so you look like you have “fancy” shoes with no laces or velcro.
4. Maybe even a bad hipster-haircut, which can be used to travel into England if you want. Although you’ll want to move your teeth around a bit and talk like you cann’t actually close your mouth all the way (I’ve head cotton balls work great for that purpose).
5. Mini plastic cheese and baguettes just to promote the stereotypes that they’ve worked so many years for.

I can’t think of anything else that a person would ever need in that sort of environment. Please post your thoughts so I can steal them and later integrate them into the new updated packages that will be sure to make me rich beyond my wildest expectations.

Love Always,

Lordy Lord Lord

Lord

PS: BC is Saturday at Amigo’s, noon sharpish.

By Chris and The Lord @ 7:08 AM

The thing that’s wrong with the following people:

Luke:

1. He’s a totaly pansy. Passing out at a way cool party is not all that spectacular.

2. Money Laundering Skills Sub-par. Just a disapointing factor of our friendship.

3. I don;t like your walk and you;re racist.

Dabid or Dav:

1. Babies are in charge.

2. Twyla is also in charge.

3. Where’s your balls?

Kim:

1. Too many allergies: allergic to me? as if! sounds like a cop-out if I ever heard one…ouch.

2. Chirs made me pass out via massage…where were you during this process?

Chris:

1. All in charge of all that is wholy…not holy but all else that is at all.

2. Over use of the word “all”.

3. All up-in-my grill.

Nicole:
1. French

Twyla:

1. Was Pregnant. Quitter.

Eli:

1. Too cute.

Love and affection,

Lord + Chris

Wasting Time…What Else Are Blogs For?

I finally got around to emailing The Awkward Stage to tell them that they are awesome. Go check them out on my space, it’s the key/guitar/back vox guy’s band from A.C. Newman. I find myself playing them lots in the car and on the computer.
BC was fun today, Eli stole the show via cuteness so I’ll need more attention and back rubs later. Thanks in advance Dave.

I cleaned and organized my laptop yesterday and I feel good about that. Not jumping up and down good, but okay I suppose. I need to find space to edit that band lottery video which is 20 gigs!!! Dave if you need anything for school that I haven’t given you yet, just let me know and I’ll send you the appropriate folder, because I now have all of my word files organized too… hopefully the ladies find organization hot.

I think that I’ve found the perfect solution to all of Luke’s problems/win the career contest. You should become a sexologist and write a bood entitled “Bed Skills”. Who wouldn’t buy that?!? Especially from a “sexologist”, and you could make a “Bed Skills for Dummies” too. Yeah Yeah, and you’d be totally rich and feirce and have a small, skinny cell phone where Sting or Sir Elton creates a personalized ringtone. I’m not sure you know anything about bed skills, in fact I assume the worst, judging by your face. Good luck with that Luke and may you teach the world about lovin.

I’m bored and gonna play Zuma.

Aboutless

Some readers think I should talk about my self in the “About” section of this blog. Good idea…if I want to be boring and predictable. Maybe one day I will succumb, but not for another week or so until it gets to me too. Until then I will be Aboutless as a statement about our society. I won’t just do what “The Man” thinks I should or be what everyone else tells me to be. No I won’t. I just cann’t, I must be stronger than those who have checked their rights and personal independance at the door.

Now back to reality. I won the jousting tournament last weekend by the way (as if that’s even news).

I saw the Flames beat the Oilers. Even though the Flames probably cheated they were not caught by the league and the win unfortunately stands. I was fortunate enough to hear a ludicrus amount of gay jokes during the game. I say fortunate because it was a good lesson in high-culture. Thanks for the education homophobic hockey fans! All in all, it was a great game and fantastic trip.

Another list to keep you off the streets Luke. This is in response to your request for new jobs. Here are you options for the rest of your life:

1. Optomitrist: You could go back to school for a long time and maintain the “student” life. That was allways your strongest suit anyways.

2. Bull-rider: You already have the boots just re-grow the handle bars and you’d be set. Also, the ladies would allways be asking for you to “ride me instead” and you’d LOVE Calgary from now on too. Did I mention getting a big truck or the ever-so fashionable belt buckles?

3. Tiger Tamer: No one tames tigers, no one. Job market is definately looking good, especially since Sigfried and Roy’s tiger incident. Also I like saying “tager” instead, giving me far more opportunity to do so.

4. Big Bad Voodoo Daddy: not the band, the profession.
5. Forging autographs to sell on Ebay.

6. Mantracker: you’d be more fun to watch…or Survivorman.

7. Chris Nelson’s “Handler” as he makes his pro wrestling comeback. The “Buzzkiller” defeats all!

8. Pool hustler.

9. Soothsayer.

Again, no #10 for formating concerns… and I am lazy. Good luck with your future Luke! If things don’t work out you can allways crash at my place, and by that I mean my parent’s place, which of course means screw off.

Love,

The Lordy

Unpacking The Lord’s Suitcase – There’s My Armour

I’d like to give another round of mad propz to my left-hand man, Mr. Luke Ryalls. He has taken the time to add my battle picture at the top of the page there. Pretty nice, eh? My armour is finally unpacked and battle ready. Luckily for me, I have a jousting tournament this weekend that I’m en route to as you read this. Wish me luck, I hope to add another Damsel to my mantle…and by mantle I obviously mean brothel.

I wouldn’t bother jousting anymore if I didn’t have a problem keeping Blonde Damsle’s in stock. I mean, like a guy like me needs to be jousting when I can be doing a bunch of other great, totally important things.  Here’s a comprehensive list of the things that I’d rather be doing instead of destroying fellow jousters all weekend (it’s stressful!).

1.  Bowling. My game is in the dumps since I’ve quit the tour.

2.  Re-pladding my pant collection. It’s time to replenish the most styling wardrobe this side of the French Kingdom. I wan’t aware that pants could loose their plad; you learn something new everyday.

3.  Re-create the Rocky Balba movie with Ken dolls.

4.  Finnish reading this month’s beauty ideas in Cosmo. I had no idea that there could be 33 ways to style my hair, excellent.

5. Replenish my hit points.

6.  Debate the legitimacy of capital letters VS explaination points to make one sound excited or angry in written works.

7.  This is probably the most important on: Once and for all, explain to my right-hand man Allan that when signs say not to molest the animals they are not refering to “naughty touching” and that all of the charges should indeed be dropped.

8. Alter the flight-path of West Jet flights to increase my property value.

9.  Patent gravity then repatent later claiming “new and improved” status. This will increase my gold peices so I can afford the Sword of Nzruth.

I have decided that there will be not #10 for formating reasons. I shall begin my quest to the land of me winning eveything.

- The Lord

Welcome to the Underworld Realm

Shout out: Luke. Thanks for the blog friend. May your next battle be victorious and that you find many sacks of gold pieces.

This blog will most definitely change the lives of you, the reader. So read it religiously, tell your friends (especially the kind with money who advertise) and pray that I make a living off of this blog.

A question that many of you are probably asking yourselves right now is “what will you do with all of the money that you will FOR SURE make?” Well, I’ll tell you with accompanying amounts ofloadedness.

1,000-5,000 International Trade Federation Credits: Fortify my living quarters. My numerous defeated enemies would say that my current fortifications are sufficient but my worries lie to the North. I hear rumblings that the Great Spider Army ofZulkon plan to push South. I must be prepared when the time of darkness transcends.

50,000-200,000 ITFC’s: Bitchin’ hot tub party. You are not invited.

500,000 – 1,000,000 ITFC’s: Begin construction of my memorial: a 200 meter tall statue of Ghandi being crushed by my wisdom and perfectidity.

more than 1,000,000 ITFC’s: Call it a day and retire.

In closing, I need lots of money to achieve my goals and you can help. Advertise on my blog and pay me loads of money/tokens/credits/shower me with lavish gifts.